“Honestly, don’t you want this election over with already?”
That’s Joe Biden talking.
The vice president delivered the Top 10 Reasons for Voting Early on “Late Night with David Letterman.”
That was No. 1 — a sentiment with more than a small measure of truth to it.
“Early voters will receive a $5 million donation from Donald Trump” — a take-off on the real estate tycoon’s offer of $5 million for anyone who can deliver copies of President Barack Obama’s college records and birth certificate. Trump’s offer has largely been seen as a joke — with Biden offering the first official response.
The rest of Biden’s late-night CBS reasons, from the bottom-up:
No 10: “I’m not saying each early voter gets a free cheeseburger, but I’m not saying they don’t either.”
No. 9: “It’s vastly more effective than voting late.”
No. 8: “You know who votes early? People with a backbone like a ramrod.”
No. 7: “In a less crowded polling place, there’s plenty of room to stretch out, linger and relax.”
No. 6: “If you vote early, you don’t have to pay taxes. Errr, I’m sorry, I’m being told that’s not accurate.”
No. 5: “Single and looking to mingle? Find that special someone on the early voting line.”
No. 4: “Of course, there’s the open bar!”
No. 3: “Not exercising your right to vote is malarkey. It’s literally malarkey.”