Colorado has 53 mountain peaks topping 14,000 feet.
The Super Bowl-bound Denver Broncos have 53 active players.
Now the governor of Colorado, in a fit of Super Bowl madness, is naming each of the mountains for each of the players. Every single one of them.
Besides, Gov. John Hickenlooper says, all Seattle has is “some, well, OK beer.”
Before we pit Rainier against Coors — and we’re with Washington on this one — remember that Hickenlooper is a self-described “recovering geologist now on loan to public service.” So says the official Colorado.gov picturing some of those ”`14ers” behind the governor. He may know his mountains, but maybe not his brew.
On Super Bowl Sunday only (known in this one state as “Denver Broncos-Mania Day”),’ the governor says, the state’s tallest peaks will be renamed for Bronco players — starting with quarterback Peyton Manning, who, according to the official state resolution, “bears a symbolic resemblance to Mount Elbert, the tallest 14er in Colorado.” He stands tall, get it? (He’s 6′ 5”).
Joel Dreessen (tight end) gets Pikes Peak. (He’s 6′ 4”).
And here it goes:
“WHEREAS, the State of Colorado is confident that the Denver Broncos will beat the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLVIII; and
“WHEREAS, the Denver Broncos gave Coloradans a lot to be proud of this season, including becoming the first team in NFL history to score more than 600 points in a single season and winning the AFC Championship; and
“WHEREAS, Seattle makes some, well, OK beer; and
“WHEREAS, the Seahawks have a 12th man, whatever, while the Denver Broncos have the greatest fans — men, women and children — in pro sports; and
“WHEREAS, we are proud of the majestic mountains in Colorado, which is home to 53 14ers – the same number of players on the Denver Broncos’ active roster; and
“WHEREAS, Peyton Manning bears a symbolic resemblance to Mount Elbert, the tallest 14er in Colorado, because he stands tall as an extraordinary leader of the Broncos; and
“WHEREAS, Matt Prater kicks the football long – an NFL record 64 yards long – and could be compared to Longs Peak; and
“WHEREAS, the Broncos offensive line stands together, like our Collegiate Peaks, rooted into the earth and preventing anyone from getting to Peyton Manning; and
“WHEREAS, there are many other connections between other 14ers and players as referenced below;
“Therefore, I, John W. Hickenlooper, Governor of the State of Colorado, do hereby hurry up and proclaim Sunday, February 2, 2014,
“DENVER BRONCOS-MANIA DAY
“Here is the full list of mountains (ranked by size) and the active players the peaks are being renamed for:
Mt. Elbert: Peyton Manning.
Mt. Massive: Terrance Knighton – AKA POT ROAST.
Mt. Harvard: Zane Beadles – He, along with others on the offensive line, are as formidable as the line of Collegiate Peaks.
Blanca Peak: tch Unrein – He blocks and tackles.
La Plata Peak: acob Tamme – Just as this is an impressive peak among the Collegiate Peaks, this tight end is an impressive addition to the offense.
Uncompahgre Peak: teven Johnson – His defense is straight forward and uncomplicated.
Crestone Peak: Seve Vallos – Like this peak, which is surrounded by other looming 14ers, this center is the rock of impressive offensive lines.
Mt. Lincoln: Wnston Justice – His name itself, and his humanitarian work in Uganda and Haiti, reflect the name of this majestic peak.
Grays Peak: Eric Decker – Grays and Torreys are right next to each other, like the dynamic duo of Decker and Thomas.
Mt. Antero: Mlik Jackson – This defensive end watches everyone’s back.
Torreys Peak: Demaryius Thomas
Castle Peak: Duke Ihenacho – Because only a duke could vanquish a castle-like offense.
Quandary Peak: Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie – His coverage proves to be a quandary for opposing quarterbacks.
Mt. Evans: Nate Irving – This linebacker forms an imposing backdrop to opponents just like this peak does to Denver.
Longs Peak: Matt Prater – He kicks ‘em long (set an NFL record with a 64-yard field goal vs. Tennessee).
Mt. Wilson: Shaun Phillips – Leads the Broncos in sacks this year and will be taking down Russell Wilson.
Mt. Shavano: Marquice Cole
Mt. Belford: Andre Caldwell – Like this peak’s inclusion with other Collegiate Peaks, he joins an imposing offense.
Crestone Needle: Brock Osweiler – At 6 feet, 8 inches’, he makes all opponents appear as thin as this 14er.
Mt. Princeton: Manny Ramirez.
Mt. Yale: Louis Vasquez.
Mt. Bross: Jeremy Mincey.
Kit Carson Peak: Aaron Brewer – His long snaps find their path just as Kit Carson found paths through the frontier.
Maroon Peak: Mike Adams – He maroons opponents due to his tackling prowess (posted a game-high nine tackles and intercepted a pass that led to a Broncos touchdown in Houston).
Tabeguache Peak: Chris Kuper.
Mt. Oxford: Chris Clark.
Mt. Sneffels: Zac Dysert – In the shadow of Manning, the QB may be sniffling for not playing, but is tops nonetheless.
Mt. Democrat: Tony Carter – Working on a second degree in political science.
Capitol Peak: Champ Bailey – Rated the most difficult peak on 14ers.com.
Pikes Peak: Joel Dressen – A Colorado Mountain for a Colorado State University Ram and only player on the roster to graduate from a Colorado university.
Snowmass Mountain: Wesley Woodyard.
Mt. Eolus: Sione Fua – An eloquent name, like this peak.
Windom Peak: Ronnie Hillman – This runninng back runs like the wind.
Challenger Point: Montee Ball – He was a challenger for the Heisman Trophy in 2011.
Mt. Columbia: Orlando Franklin.
Missouri Mountain: Sylvester Williams – He was born in Missouri.
Humboldt Peak: Knowshon Moreno – He “bolts” off the line (Ranked fifth in the NFL in scrimmage yards at 1,586) and tied for fifth with 13 scrimmage touchdowns in 2013. Became the first player in franchise history to record 1,000 rushing yards and 500 receiving yards in a single season in 2013.
Mt. Bierstadt: Robert Ayers – Just like the way that Ayers makes tackling look easy, this peak is one of the easiest peaks to summit.
Sunlight Peak: Omar Bolden – He is known for his power of positive thinking and is not blinded by any sunshine in his tackling prowess.
Handies Peak: Quentin Jammer – This defensive player is known for giving a hand to his teammates and those in need through his Jammer Family Foundation helping foster teens.
Culebra Peak: Michael Huff.
Ellingwood Point: Britton Colquitt – He would be able to land a punt on this point.
Mt. Lindsey: Paris Lenon.
Little Bear Peak: Trindon Holliday – He’s 5 foot, 5 inches, but is as tough as they come.
Mt. Sherman: Wes Welker – Let’s see Richard Sherman cover Wes. Right, good luck with that.
Redcloud Peak: Virgil Green.
Pyramid Peak: Danny Trevathan – Like the Pyramids of Giza, Danny Trevathan’s defense is a wonder of the world. He posted a team high 129 tackles, beating his next closest teammate by 44 and is 11th best in the league.
Wilson Peak: Brandon Marshall.
Wetterhorn Peak: Vinston Painter.
San Luis Peak: Kayvon Webster.
Mt. of the Holy Cross: David Bruton – His alma mater is Notre Dame.
Huron Peak: C.J. Anderson – Another impressive peak included in the Collegiate Peaks, he is a fine addition to the offense.
Sunshine Peak: Julius Thomas – because he always makes himself available to find the sunshine through the defenders and make the catch.